About Me
Dr Monica MacRae
My Qualifications
I am a qualified and registered Medical doctor, who is now also working as a certified health coach. After becoming registered in 2015, I spent the majority of my medical career working in Psychiatry, and then the last few years stepped out of the hospital system and transitioned into working for a medicinal cannabis clinic. But my most profound learning about healing has come from my own diagnosis and healing from the autoimmune condition lupus (SLE). This remains the qualification I am most proud of and hold with the most reverence. I was diagnosed with this disease in 2009, the same year I was accepted into medical school after completing a 3 year BSc Physiology. The irony was that throughout the next 5 years of studying Medicine, my symptoms worsened, the immunosuppressant medication increased, and it became increasingly difficult to manage the flares I would regularly have, but I was not learning anything that was teaching me what I could do to try and help myself heal. Pharmaceutical medication and the health system had no doubt been helpful and were helping me survive, and since then have saved my life on multiple occasions, but it had not helped teach me why I had become unwell in the first place, let alone what I could do about that.
From Medical doctor, to patient, to Holistic health coach. It has been a 16 year journey to get here.
I know what it is like to suffer from a chronic illness, to face death , and debilitating symptoms
In those initial years, I would suffer from flares that left every joint and muscle in excruciating pain—swollen and hot. There was so much inflammation in my body that I would have regular fevers lasting days at a time, and I often woke in the night drenched in sweat. I was battling to function through significant chronic fatigue, and I was using the steroid medication prednisone as a regular lifeline. My coping strategy was to continue living my life as I had been, striving to achieve the goals I had set for myself. I remained on the typical university student diet, lived in a run-down student flat, partied hard, studied equally as hard, and tried to enjoy my youth. In 2012, after years of burning the candle at both ends, my body finally screamed, enough is enough. I developed an infection in my right forearm that would not improve despite multiple courses of antibiotics. This resulted in 13 trips to theatre to clean and drain the wound, remove a tendon that had become too damaged, and attempt a skin graft that failed—before finally requiring plastic surgery to close up my arm, which had remained an open wound for weeks. I was eventually found to have an atypical TB infection in my arm, and I developed sepsis and lost function in my hand.
The bodies language is signs and symptoms
Despite the seriousness of what was happening, and the prospect of losing my arm, old habits die hard.
From my hospital bed, I continued to study and try to keep up with my peers. I was in my final months of medical school and determined to finish my degree. I even signed a “leaving against medical advice” document in order to attend a graduation ball with my peers.
My body had been trying to warn me for many years that the way I was living my life was not sustainable, but I wasn’t listening. That year culminated in a terrifying flare that left me with lungs full of fluid, fluid around my heart, and such severe shortness of breath and physical pain that I could barely walk to the bathroom and had become bedridden. I was having litres of fluid drained from my lungs regularly, and being on large amounts of immunosuppression and prednisone was no longer helping. I had lost my lifeline. Worst of all, I was given a new secondary diagnosis of pulmonary arterial hypertension (PAH).
Facing my mortality at 25 years young.
I was told that PAH was a condition that had caused scarring in the tiny vessels of my lungs, and because of this and the increased pressure in my pulmonary circulation, I was now in right heart failure. I was told this condition was irreversible and progressive, that I would not qualify for a lung transplant, and that there was no medication that could cure what was happening in my body. I was shocked and grieved not only the life I had, but also the future I had envisioned for myself. I was told I would not be able to work as a doctor, have children, travel, and more. I had been informed back when I was first diagnosed at 21 that lupus could affect any major organ and quickly become critical, but I never imagined this could happen to me.
I was on all the medications recommended by the multiple specialists I had seen, and no one had told me there was anything I could or should be doing to help myself. The experience was deeply traumatic by any account, yet I was never offered counselling, therapy, or coaching—something I now believe could have helped lessen the mental and emotional anguish I was experiencing. In order to cope, I completely shut down emotionally, and masked what was happening in my inner world with what others would describe as an incredible ‘resilience’, ‘bravery’, and a ‘positive outlook’. I barely shed a tear through these diagnoses, despite the intense physical and emotional suffering I was enduring.
The 4 pillars of holistic health
1
Physical
How we nourish, hydrate, move and care for our physical bodies in the practical sense
2
Mental
Our mindset and how we cognitively navigate our challenges and move forward
3
Emotional
How we feel not only in our current life, but all the past emotional experiences we have stored in our mind-body-spirit system
4
Spiritual
Our faith, greater sense of purpose, and a connection to our intuition or higher inner knowing.
My journey toward holistic healing began at rock bottom.
By this point in my experience with this disease, I had been backed into a corner. The immunosuppressant medications had escalated, and the secondary side effects meant more medications. I was not only failing to get better but was now being told my life expectancy had dramatically shifted.
Out of sheer desperation and determination to live, I began to look elsewhere for answers. This journey into the world of holistic and alternative healing was all the more difficult because I was bedridden, significantly short of breath, distracted by pain, and so fatigued I spent a lot of my time drifting in and out of sleep. But with the support of my family, we began to learn about ways I might be able to help myself.
It started with learning about nutrition and how to not only nourish myself but also the importance of eliminating inflammatory foods. I then learned about fasting and embarked on a 40-day green juice fast, which brought me incredible progress (NB: I clinically could not recommend anyone undertake such a risky intervention, but desperate times called for desperate measures for me at the time). I was shocked that no one had asked me what my diet was like prior to this, and that it had been skimmed over in medical school, when it made so much logical sense that what we feed our bodies becomes what it is going to have available to use as healing fuel. It began with a mindset shift and an internally sourced motivation to do anything I possibly could to get well. From there I was led to learning about the practical and physical ways to help my body.
The journey deepens as it unfolds
As my healing progressed and I was seeing results, I became more convinced that it was possible to heal. I began to learn more about the mind-body connection, and how our mental and emotional environment influences our physical bodies. I realized that our emotional field, mindset, and belief structures are so powerful that they can outweigh the other lifestyle changes we may be making. I began hypnotherapy to explore my subconscious and learn about the ways in which my psyche and emotional history had contributed to the development of dysfunction in my body. By all accounts, I was a high-functioning, emotionally stable, positive, and social person who had enjoyed her life. I had no idea that events from my childhood and the programming I had unconsciously picked up were continuous and ongoing stressors in my current life.
Simultaneous to this exploration of my psyche, it occurred to me that even bedridden, meditation was something I could practice in my current state (exercise felt impossible at the time). Serendipitously, a Google search revealed that a meditation teacher was about to start a course near our home. I signed up and began learning about mindfulness, body-scanning meditations, affirmations, visualization, and breathwork. I implemented a daily one-hour meditation practice, which became the final pillar of this holistic journey. I have since explored a myriad of spiritual practices and travelled around the world over the past decade to deepen this exploration.
A combination of active input and divine grace
I had no idea at the time that a higher guidance was moving me toward this grander picture of healing that I now understand as the four pillars of holistic healing. I was simply tapping into my intuition and trying things that made sense to me at the time. I also developed a curiosity and affinity for the world of “alternative healing” that continues to this day, and what started as meditation turned into a profound spiritual awakening and journey that I remain deeply devoted to.
The lung disease I was told would progress has remained stable for 13 years without progression. My right heart failure miraculously and completely reversed, and I do not take the medication that was supposed to help slow this process. I no longer live in fear of dying early from this condition, and I also no longer experience shortness of breath or pain in my day-to-day life. The journey has certainly not been linear, and I have had many health challenges over the years, but I have continued to experience them as learning opportunities. They have taught me where there is room for improvement and have uncovered deeper aspects of myself that want to be seen. Most recently, in early 2024, after a pregnancy and miscarriage, I experienced the worst flare of my life secondary to this, with involvement of my brain, heart, lungs, and new kidney disease. I met with death once again, but this time I had the depth of prior experience and a toolkit of strategies with which to navigate it.
My beautiful life now
I have had reluctance over the years about sharing my story for a number of reasons. Firstly, because of my medical training and the paradox in my belief that, although it does not teach about the root causes of illness or encourage an empowered way of healing, it has also saved my life on more than one occasion. Pharmaceutical medications have inarguably assisted me in managing symptoms enough that I could continue on my journey of healing in other ways. Secondly, I have felt resistance about sharing when I still feel very much in the midst of an ongoing learning process. There was a time when I told myself I would share when I was in remission and completely off medication; however, when I achieved this, I still did not feel “ready.” I have come to accept that the process of healing and self-development is never-ending, and one that I have learned to love and be passionate about even as it unfolds.
I currently live a the life I at one point thought I would never have again. I have a loving partner, fulfilling work, I travel and exercise, and enjoy my life fully. It is a full and meaningful life, doing and achieving everything I want to do. What started as a deeply traumatic experience turned out to be the greatest gift, and paradoxically led me to deep and transformational healing. It also re-routed my life and opened up a profound shift in perspective about life and my purpose here, and a spiritual connection that has made my human experience one of profound gratitude and depth. I have always felt that the blessings of my experience were to be shared, and this work is my devotion to honouring that.